Introductions
"Hi, I'm Dee, first-year Creative Non-Fiction." I feel so aggressive pressed elbow-to-elbow trying to connect to anyone on a cramped balcony overlooking an impossibly large and beautiful backyard. "I'm (name redacted by my brain), second-year Fiction." "What's your WIP?"* I am trying not to sweat - I just need to quickly describe my writing style to a National Book Award winner and author of four books. "Where are you from?" "San Diego." "How do you like UCR so far?" "It's good!" (I have no idea, really.) One time, I asked a USC Distinguished Professor and multi-award winning author her thoughts on the income disparity between USC and the surrounding area over a casual dinner and drinks. My therapist said to me last week that maybe I come on a little strong. So, I parroted the questions of others at the new student welcome dinner: "What's your WIP?" "Where are you from?" "Do you have kids?", etc. I want to know how people interpret the world around them, but that question has to wait a while. For now, facts.
It is a fact that I wrote a story when I was about 10 that wasn't well-constructed, but had the phrase "Not so fast, hot shot!" in response to a scientist trying to steal a dolphin that had learned to talk. It is a fact that I've only been writing memoir for about 5 years. It is a fact that I spent 35 years dreaming of where I am today, and seven trying to make it happen. So here I am, starting a new blog on my first week of classes, where I said to a professor who is about to go on a trip to help present the Nobel Prize: "Ya know what I mean?" My existence is a facepalm. The reason for this shift to a new blog is multi-faceted, but my therapist says I don't need to explain everything the first time I meet someone. "Leave room for questions," they suggested. So, just know that this is my official introduction. I am upping my game, writing like I intend to, and not explaining myself. Who's the "hot shot" now?
It is true of me that my thinking flows differently, and is sometimes hard to follow. In November 2022, I came out of my room after a video visit from my psychiatrist and told my partner: "So, I was diagnosed with ADHD." My partner said, "yep." My writing is weird, surreal, too complicated, true and bullshit all at the same time. I am just making up my life as I go along. I know a lot about writing, but nothing about being a writer. It is a fact that I am weirdo. I don't feel bad about it - just thought you should know. It is a fact that I am a creative non-fiction MFA student at the University of California, Riverside, which has always been my dream. An answer as to who I am beyond the facts of my life is complicated by the many fluctuating waves of self-esteem I possess at any given moment. One writing mentor said to me that my writing is "incoherent," another said that I have obvious skill. The "National Book Award winner and author of four books" said my WIP's premise was "very intriguing." And some guy rolled his eyes at my comments on representation yesterday. You can decide what's true in my work. Mine is a simultaneous existence of contradictory information. My best advice for reading my work: expect the unexpected. I'm not gonna tell you what is true and what is bullshit, if I even know for myself. I was raised in San Diego and now live in L.A. County; I am a writer of stuff. Welcome to my new blog.
*: WIP stands for "Work in Progress"
